The Gift of EMDR
A Scary Summer
My parents both celebrated their 76th birthdays this year, but for a few weeks this summer, we weren’t sure if my dad would be celebrating his August birthday. What started as a doctor’s visit for stomach pain quickly turned into a hospital stay, where he battled infection along with heart and kidney failure. Needless to say, it was an intense and unexpected situation. It’s painful to see your parent in distress, discomfort, and fear.
Finding Steadiness in the Storm
What surprised me most, though, was how steady my nervous system remained throughout his hospitalization and in the weeks that followed. Of course, I felt heartache. I felt scared at times. I cried, I felt tender. But I didn’t experience those telltale signs of trauma settling in the body. There was no hypervigilance, no nightmares or sleep disturbances, no intrusive thoughts. I was able to be fully present with my dad. Without a doubt, that steadiness was a gift from EMDR. Let me explain.
Looking Back to 2019
Back in 2019, my dad experienced another major health crisis while visiting family. He had just retired three months prior and was finally beginning to lean into his new chapter of life. That crisis, and all that followed, was profoundly traumatic for me. For some time, I felt a startle response every time the phone rang—and so much more. I knew I needed therapy to care for myself, and eventually I connected with a therapist trained in EMDR. How grateful I am that I did.
The Power of Reprocessing
With my therapist, I was able to successfully reprocess the worst parts of that crisis. Looking back now, I feel a deep sense of peace and gratitude. In fact, just this July, I emailed my therapist to thank her for our work together. I wrote, “I had multiple moments when I reflected on our EMDR work and how that process truly prepared me well for an episode like this. Certainly, I was anxious and sad, but I wasn’t panicked or having nightmares or collapsed from overwhelm. I could be present with my dad as he reflected on his life and shared his wishes for his afterlife.”
Evidence-Based Magic
To be clear, none of this was easy or pain-free. But it was not traumatizing. That difference is where EMDR comes in. The AIP model allows neural networks to integrate a new, more helpful, and positive belief system around specific events, which in turn can shift the entire network.
In my case, EMDR helped me shift the belief connected to the neural network that stored the memories of my dad’s 2019 health crisis. So when this year’s event happened, my system responded with the adaptive belief attached to the reprocessed memories—not the trauma-based belief from before. It’s complicated, I know, but it’s fascinating. And honestly, it feels a little like evidence-based magic.
My dad’s health crises have been defining moments in my life, but EMDR has reshaped how I experience them. It has shown me that trauma does not have to dictate the future, and that our nervous systems are capable of remarkable healing and resilience. Instead of carrying trauma forward, I was able to carry presence, gratitude, and steadiness. If my story illustrates anything, it is that EMDR is not just a therapy—it is a pathway to living with greater presence, less fear, and more peace, even in the hardest of times. That, to me, is the true gift of EMDR—not erasing hardship, but transforming the way we are able to live through it.
